I felt compelled to write about a topic known as the
Mom Bag after writing my last blog, ILostMyS#$TatToysRUs. The Mom Bag saved my Christmas after all,
and it deserves a little recognition.
For anyone who isn’t sure, you don’t make a Mom Bag, a Mom
Bag makes itself. After you have a child you have something called a diaper
bag, out of this evolves the Mom Bag.
A Mom Bag has a variety of items, and can hold up to and
including the weight of at least one of your children. It is thoroughly
indestructible.
It has various clothing options for every type of
apocalyptic climate change you could fathom. With the general “end of the
world” theme, you will also find full meals and drinks that if rationed out
could keep you alive for days on end, or at least, your child relatively calm
on a mall trip.
I won’t forget to mention the medical supplies; band aids,
fever reducers, alcohol swabs, and leftover antibiotics. There are at
least two sippy cups, from various stages in your child’s development, and
there are miscellaneous restaurant crayons. Mom Bags hold your car keys; you
just will never find them. Your cell phone will ring at the bottom of your Mom
Bag; it will come out with a sticky substance all over it. Mom Bags have your
stuff in them also; make up, wallet, etc. However, whatever that sticky
substance is, will totally be all over it. There is at least one dollar worth
of pennies hanging out in the very bottom of the Mom Bag, but you’ll never use
them, because of that damn sticky stuff.
If you happen to go somewhere without your child, you will
bring your Mom Bag. This is because you yourself start to depend on the Mom Bag
for your own needs. You start to wonder what you ever did before Mom Bag. How
did you live your life without wet wipes? You need that sippy cup to take your
vitamins. You start to shake if you touch something and cannot Purell
afterwards. What if the sun gets too strong, and you need an SPF face stick? You
realize that you have low blood sugar and those gummies that stick to the
pennies in the bottom of your bag are necessary for moderately long car
rides!
I don’t care how much you paid for your Mom Bag, they all
look the same. So much so, that my husband took to going through another
woman’s Mom Bag at the park the other day, thinking it was mine. He was looking
for my car keys, but he didn’t find hers either.
Me and my awesome Mom Bag. Bre stares lovingly at it.
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